Sitting in front of the window, I am reflecting on my life lately. How happy I was when we were in Lucknow. The place where I was born and spent the initial years of my life. My father was a government serviceman. And because of that, he was posted at Lucknow.
The weather, atmosphere, people, and classmates were the best. We used to support each other in our ups and downs. Now that I look back, I only see them as memories.
The lost memories.
I came to Nagpur with the hope in my heart that this would turn out to be the best time of my life. When I will look back, I will see the memories I made in here. But little did I knew, that this place would haunt me. It will shatter me to a point where I would prefer dying rather than living life.
What I used to love the most about Nagpur initially, was the weather. But now this weather also haunts me. I feel like, when it will go dark, they will come again. I will have to go through the same pain all over again.
I raised my gaze and looked into the sky, the Moon. I used to sit on the balcony at night and talk to the moon when I had no friends here. But now, even the moon hates me. It doesn't invite me to talk to it like it used to do before. All I feel now is loneliness. Why? Am I that bad? What was my fault in that?
Here I am again sitting at my window, hoping to catch a glimpse of that one person. Where is he? How is he doing? He also turned his back towards me now. I have no one, not even him. The future I imagined, the thought of us tucked inside the bedsheet, cuddling each other in our Dreamland still makes me feel butterflies in my stomach but will it ever be real? Will you ever be mine Ranveer?
I remember the day when you fought with Jay for me. You almost got suspended, because of me but you never showed it off. That's what I love the most about you. You do what you want, not to please anyone around.
I hope you are fine. I don't where you are, but I hope that you are doing well and you are happy there. I wish I could see you once, even if it's from far away like I did when we were in school, I want to see you and make sure that you are better, without me. I wonder how you look now, I bet you'd still be as beautiful as you were before. Beautiful inside and out, just like your heart.
I touched my wrist I don't know why. Your touch is still fresh. I could feel your warmth providing me comfort even on my worst day. When everyone left me, thinking I was not as pure as before, I was not worth anything, it was your touch, your warmth that provided me comfort.
It was a cold night when I knocked on the door of my house hoping to hug my parents and cry. But what did they do? They told me that they feel disgusted. Disgusted of me. And why not, even I feel disgusted with myself? Still.
I want you to be Mine Ranveer. I want your name behind mine. I want everyone in this world, to know that I am yours, and you are mine. But the question is, Will you accept me after knowing my truth or you will also leave me alone as everyone else did?
In the hard times, when the whole world is against you, you only seem to need your parent's embrace. Knowing that they will protect you from every single bullet, that the world and society fire at you. But I guess this quote did not apply to my story.
It is so hard to stand against your own family members and see them hate you to the core. The people who are meant to provide comfort and love to you, have turned their back towards me. Like I was never their daughter, never their own blood.
What can I do? Nothing. Just regret and cry about all of it.
It's still dark outside. I am hoping for it to turn lighter soon. I don't remember the last time when I had a good sleep. I have developed insomnia and Migraine. I can't sleep. I only survive on naps that I take throughout the day, but nothing at night, not a blink of sleep.
The darkness scares me. I think the moment I close my eyes, they will come back. And this time, they will kill me. I don't want to die. I want to live my life. I want to experience all those feelings and all those emotions that exist in life.
Love? Maybe.
I don't think this word is made for me.
Love is not just an emotion-it is the very essence of connection, the invisible thread that wove separate stories of two individuals into a tapestry of intertwined destinies. It is the force that propelled them forward, the anchor that holds them steady. In love, two people discover not just each other, but also the best versions of themselves.
I imagine that It must be like the first drop of rain kissing the parched earth, a union of sky and land in a fleeting, tender embrace. It is the whisper of leaves dancing to the rhythm of the wind, a harmonious exchange between two souls in silent understanding.
love is a distant melody carried on the breeze, a song I had yet to learn the words to. It was a canvas painted in hues of longing and hope, a masterpiece I always observed from afar but never touched.
I lost track of time in these thoughts. It's almost 6:50 am. I have my job at 9. I better get ready and leave all these thoughts behind like always. Going straight towards the bathroom, I stripped out of my clothes and stood in front of the mirror. The wounds.
Every time you'll look at these wounds, you will regret throwing that coffee at me.
Those dark memories again made their way into my brain. I tried to ignore that but even if I try so hard to forget them, I can't. I stood glued to my place and with trembling hands gently traced the lines of those wounds. Each one tells a story, a painful reminder of the abuse I endured.
My fingertips graze over the tender skin, feeling the raised edges and the rawness beneath. My gaze followed up to the reflection of my eyes. My gaze is distant, I look so lost. Lost in those memories. The bruises, purple and angry, seem to pulse with their ache, mirroring the pain that still lingers deep within my soul.
There's a mix of emotions swirling within me - fear, anger, sadness, but also a glimmer of defiance. But one thing is clear in my mind that I will not let these scars define me. I know I may be bruised and broken, but not defeated.
I'll rise from the ashes, stronger than before, and one day, these wounds will heal, leaving behind scars that bear witness to my resilience.
Those scars and wounds speak volumes of the battles, I fought in silence, but they will not be the summary of life I bet.
Every single one of them will beg for forgiveness on my feet but still, they won't be forgiven. They have to die a brutal and painful pain. JUST AS I DID.
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*SPOILER* from next chapter
"I want these files done until tomorrow. They are important in the meeting tomorrow". She spoke pointing at the stack of files.I nod
"But mam, this is too much, I mean it-". I was interrupted in the middle of the sentence.
"So? It is your job and if you are incapable of doing it properly, then I will be glad to receive your resignation on my table in a few minutes Ms. Amayra".
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